X-MAS Cheer

Yes Dear Reader(s),

It is Christmas. And we at BS hope that you are having a delightful holiday. We are aware, however, that not everyone is feeling merry, not everyone is celebrating and that some of you may not be feeling celebratory. Some of you may even be overwhelmed by the glut of holiday food, cheer and gifts; bored and sick of your family, you seek an oasis of quiet with a computer, or are perhaps being held hostage at an in-law's house, looking for a brief respite from all the peaceonearthgoodwilltowardmen. Never fear; we here at BS understand the needs of the cranky.

For That Broad, it was shaping up as a good non-holiday celebration with a small group of non-celebrants, watching movies and overeating, when the projector needed just oooone more magazine to pitch it higher... and 2006 was nearly completed in blissful ignorance of Vanity Fair's "Art Issue." Of course the link won't allow you to actually see the article or the delightfully annoying graphic of the satellite of "stars": who's rising, who's falling, who's a satellite, who's a super-nova. Cute. The round-up of usual-suspect artist profiles and studio shots once again reinforce the age issue, discussed at length over at Ed's and Edna's.

But that is just an aside... What really must be shared is a fun link to brighten your holiday mood! Submitted last night by an "anonymous" tipster: Scamorama! Eve Edelson, web mistress and author of the book of the same name, and interviewed on WNYC this past week, provides an entertaining compilation of scams and scam-baiters, including Artists Against 419. Delightful!

So, while you're hiding there in the basement from your relatives, enjoy!

Merrily Yours!
The Broads

'Tis the Season

In the spirit of the holiday season I would like to wish everyone a Very Happy Chanukkah (my preferred spelling variant) and to share with you this moving piece of spam that I received the other day. As I am not now, nor have I ever been a Christian, I was most surprised to be the recipient of this blatantly false appeal, intended to lure both the greedy and the stupid. That doesn't seem very christian, now does it?

Happy Holidays,
The Broads

****

MRS LOUISA WELSH

DEAR FRIEND,

PLEASE UTILIZE THE FUNDS JUDICIOUSLY FOR HUMANITARIAN PURPOSES. Do not be surprised on my aquittance. I got your email from a list of christian individuals site my Doctor showed me. I am the above named person presently residing in Belgium on treatment. I am married to MR GERALD P WELSH who worked with BRITISH HIGH COMMISSION in BRAZIL for nine years before he died in the year 2002. We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days.

Before his death we were both born again Christians. Since his death I decided not to re-marry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $28.5Million (twenty eight Million five hundred thousand United State Dollars) with an OFFSHORE BANK in UK. Presently, this money is still under the safe keeping of the BANK.

Recently, my Doctor(Garry Stewart) diagnosed that I would not last for the next SEVEN months due to my cancer problems. Though what disturbs me most is my stroke. Having known my condition, I have decided to donate this fund to church or better still a good individual like you that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct here in. I want this funds to be used on orphanage and widows propagating the word of God and to ensure that the house of God is maintained.

I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I don't want my husband's hard earned money to be misused by unbelievers and in an ungodly manner. Hence the reason for taking this bold decision. As soon as I get your response, I would instruct the bank to have the funds released to a security company. I would pay the deposit fee for it and you would have to contact them on how how best you would want to receive it. You should commence with the projects immediately you receive the funds and keep me or my Doctor who has access to my email always updated. He is a good man Doctor Garry Stewart and he would also be assisting you with advise on how to utilize the funds. you can contact me via email.

Email: (omitted to protect the stupid and the greedy)

Hoping to hear from you as soon as possible. Remain blessed in the name of the Lord.

Yours in Christ,
Mrs Louisa J. Welsh

(emphasis mine)

Artastrophe

Overheard in Miami:

"Daniel Reich is like Woody Allen on LSD."


What we saw, artwise:

* Deer: a thousand or more created or represented in every conceivable medium
* Chandeliers: almost as many
* Natural sponges glued to canvas: just a couple
* Wan little drawings that take up a fraction of the page: in every booth at every fair
* Felt: many yards
* Porn: never goes out of style
* Pornbroidery: in decline but still quite popular
* Artwork that made fun of art fairs: lots, usually accompanied by unironic red dots
* Satellite fairs spinning around Miami Basel: Somebody said there were 12

And for the non-art, but still artastrophic:

* Anxious clipboard people: hovering in doorways behind countless velvet ropes
* Exhausted art dealers earning their 50%: I wouldn't want to be one
* Big hairy male butts mooning the poolside crowd at ritzy hotels: only one thank god
* Excessive and ostentatious Japanese minimalism: more is less
* $20 million loft apartments: one
* $20 drinks: shockingly common
* Babies: everywhere
* Outrageous fake ta-tas: a gazillion times two
* Martha Stewart: one
* Enough art to make us feel insignificant and inconsequential for months to come: yes

Well, it'll take us a while to recover from all that.

The Rapture

What with everyone in the art world headed off to Miami this week, you may be finding yourself feeling a little like the "left behind." It is just an illusion - you are not alone! We at BS have split the difference: This Broad, south, That Broad, north. So whether you are here or there or just about anywhere, consider us your open forum for venting and whining and even for success stories as we celebrate a week of The Rapture in Miami!!!